I awoke this am feeling good until I stood upright, yes sounds strange. I feel ok whilst lying down under the covers safe in my warm lovely bed, no one can see what is underneath. (Except for my husband but I am comfortable with him and know he loves me no matter what I look like).
As soon as I got up I felt uncomfortable, then I had to go and squeeze my body into a tight pair of jeans and a top as that is all I have at the moment, tight clothes. I had so much house work etc to do but feeling less than active these days I just had to basically push and push myself to get started. In my head I am saying once you start it you will be fine, its the starting, its always the starting. I am going to start losing weight, I am going to do this. I have been gonna gonnaring my whole life.
With this in mind I have decided to make the move to enter into a life changing situation and lose my weight permanently. A drastic maneouver I know.
So why the tossing and turning, many thoughts going through my head at this present time.
*Eagerness - hurry up and let the Op date come
*Fear - What if it doesnt work, what if I have surgical problems, what if I die oh oh oh where is all coming from.
I do know that I will probably die and early death if I dont get the lap band done, as there is no way that I will sustain any weightloss. I am nearly 40 years old, with high blood pressure and pre-diabetes and a family history of diabetes, high blood pressure, and stroke. I know what needs to be done but then why am I so scared of it all.
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2 comments:
Hi again, its Dizzy here.
Believe me, you are doing the right thing, especially for your health. You are almost exactly where I was 10 years ago, and I wish I had taken action back then. Now I am 15 kgs heavier, have clicky knees, sleep apnoeia, borderline hypertension and a whole lot of wasted years behind me. Especially with your family background, the risks of NOT having the surgery far outweigh (pardon the pun) the risks of going ahead.
My sister had the surgery around the same age as you - and probably the same weight. All went fantastically, despite being a heavy smoker, asthmatic and refusing to use optifast at all! She has weighed 69kgs for the last 18 mths. There is definitely a new life ahead for both of us!
I know it can be scary, but it will be the best decsion you ever made! Your taking a stand for your life, your new fantastic healthy life! Just remember that when the nerves set in, and push 'em away! Cant wait to follow your journey!
Bee xx
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